Apologies to all.

Rushdie was knighted by the Queen for his services to literature. When I think of knights, I think of armored warriors on majestic stallions with weapons a little mightier than the pen. Anyway, I would think with this knighthood, his fans would be happy, his critics would congratulate him while cleverly slipping in some snide comments, the Queen would ask her PR guy - again - what is it that Rushdie did exactly before commending him on his achievements and knighting him, Rushdie would be “thrilled and humbled,” and change his business cards to read Sir Salman Rushdie, people like me who don’t give a rat’s tailed behind would read about it and move on to the sports section.

If only life were this easy. Apparently the knighthood scratched some itchy areas. Pakistan and Iran condemned the British knighthood, there were diplomatic and political protests, anger, fatwas, death threats, burning of effigies (this never gets old), well you get the picture.

Here is the scary part though. Pakistan’s Religious Affairs Minister Mohammad Ejaz-ul-Haq said that the knighthood could be used to justify suicide bombings!

Religious Affairs Minister Mohammad Ejaz-ul-Haq again said his comments on Monday, that the knighthood could be used to justify suicide bombings, were not meant to incite violence. But he said it was a fact that the honor could motivate potential suicide bombers, and added that the knighthood should be withdrawn and Britain should apologize to all Muslims.

I don’t know about the UK, but I apologize to Mohammad Ejaz-ul-Haq, and all the Muslims in the world for anything I may or may not have done.